..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
