We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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