apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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