Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
