remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
