the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The air was thick with penises
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
