I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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