i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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