We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
