i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
