At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize