Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This toilet bowl is my home.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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