Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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