I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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