wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
