Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
