he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
