he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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