First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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