Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
