Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
