right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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