Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
