What did we do last night that was yellow?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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