i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize