I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
