I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
