Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
