Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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