I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we're so committed to being not committed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
