dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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