Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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