i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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