That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
