i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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