on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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