New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
