I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
