4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
