We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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