Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
