im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
