who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
