I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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