Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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