i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
