everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
