Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
