My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
