According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
