Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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