You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
