I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
