I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Drunk is not a location!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
