i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
