Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize