you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
