Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
