So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
