I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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