Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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