she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
